Say It Out Loud with Lori Bedell

In Episode 7 of Carrie's Always Talking, Carrie chats with her friend, Lori Bedell, a professor at Pennsylvania State University, about her life changing move from State College to Maine. Lori shares that Maine is a place she's wanted to live for the last 32 years and what it's been like to realize this dream. She discusses how empowering the experience of living there alone for a year was for her and how she feels that she can step- up to future challenges with more confidence because of this experience. Lori also discusses how after some challenges in her marriage, which were the catalyst for her move initially, she and her husband are in a great place both geographically and relationally. Lori emphasizes the idea of speaking your plan out loud to someone that can support you and help with accountability. Additionally, the question of fate vs making a decision and moving on it was debated. There are lots of laughs and possible plans for Carrie to also move to Maine! This is an episode you don't want to miss. 

If you have a question for next week's mini episode, or if you have a story you'd like to tell, send me an email at carrie.always.talking@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.

Facebook group- www.facebook.com/groups/carriesalwaystalking/

Transcript

Carrie McNulty (00:14)

Hello and welcome back to Carrie's Always Talking. I am your host Carrie McNulty and this is episode seven. This is a full episode today and I have a guest with me. I'm really excited about that. I have Lori Bedell joining me and she is a professor at the Pennsylvania State University and she teaches civic and community engagement. She's also a friend of mine who does improvising and she and I went to an improv camp together a few years back and that's how we kind of got closer.

and she's hilarious. Just so much fun to be around. And she's also an avid baker and a lover of the outdoors. She is gonna talk to us today. The story she's gonna tell is the one of her moving from State College to Maine and making that big life decision and what that was like for her in the context of her relationship, career, just the whole way that that situation occurred and what made that happen. It's a super interesting story.

And along with my friend Courtney, Lori is one of the people when I first thought about doing this podcast, who I really wanted to have on because I knew she would have a great story to tell and she does not disappoint. This is going to be a super fun episode. You know, as I always say at the beginning of this, this is a podcast about stories and connection. To me, people telling their stories to each other and sharing that experience is one of the biggest ways that we build empathy and humanity. And that's something that I think that we need more of in the

today and this story is no exception. I think it's a really great one and I know you're gonna love it. If you are listening and following my podcast and sharing with people, thank you so much. As always, I appreciate you. If you've taken time to rate it, thank you. Please also maybe write me review. It's one way that it gets noticed and I love, you know, the fact that people are listening in general always makes me feel great because this is super fun to do and I like that you are along with me on this journey.

So without waiting anymore, I'm going to go ahead and get this interview going with Lori and I'll catch you on the other end of it.

Carrie McNulty (02:22)

Hi Lori. How are you?

Lori (02:23)

Carrie, hello? I am so happy to be talking to you.

Carrie McNulty (02:29)

I'm really excited that you decided to join me. As we had spoke about it, you were the first person I thought of too, that like along with my friend Courtney, I was like, I gotta talk to Lori. Her story is so interesting. And plus I just love you. I think you're a great person. And I'm like super excited that you were willing to join me, especially given that you just made a big move. So.

Lori (02:51)

Yeah, well, I will just say as part of the Mutual Admiration Society that from the moment I met you, I just felt like you were somebody that I clicked with. And then I don't know if people know that you have done improv. I don't know, but we went to improv camp together and had the best time. So we have, I just think.

Carrie McNulty (03:02)

Mm

Yeah.

Lori (03:18)

a nicely similar energy and that clicked with me right away.

Carrie McNulty (03:22)

Yeah, I love that. And we did have so much fun at improv camp. I thought we were going to get in trouble for laughing too much. Of all the places to get in trouble, I was worried at improv camp that I was laughing too much. Right. That's not the right place to be if you're getting in trouble for laughing at a hilarious place.

Lori (03:34)

Yeah, if you get in trouble for laughing at improv stamps, there's a problem.

No, no, not at all.

Carrie McNulty (03:48)

When we talked about what would you like to share, you just made a really big move to a place that you kind of always wanted to be. And I was excited that that was the story that you wanted to share. So tell me, tell us more about what's been happening in your life.

Lori (04:01)

Yeah.

A month ago, my husband and I moved to Maine. And when you think of Maine, you might think of Portland, Maine, and you might think of trees and snow and water and moose. And I'm more in the trees and water area. I haven't, you know, we'll get to this, but I lived in Maine all of last year and I have never seen a moose.

Carrie McNulty (04:16)

Mm

Less moose.

you

Lori (04:36)

I think it's a mythical thing. I will let you know if I ever see a moose. I've heard tell that they run around. But so anyway, we made this big move a month ago and we honeymooned in Maine 30, almost 32 years ago was our wedding. We honeymooned in Maine and it's just been one of those places that without even knowing anything about it,

Carrie McNulty (04:44)

Hmm.

Wow.

Lori (05:06)

I felt like my heart was drawn there. And again, maybe it's this mythical quality about Maine, but then when we honeymooned up in Maine, it solidified for me that, my gosh, this is a place that I wanna be. So, 32 years later, we bought a house and we're living in Maine, but the path to it was not paved with

seashells and moose traps. Right. You know, we, my husband and I, a couple of years ago had kind of a big bump in our relationship. And the details of that aren't necessary to the story, but the fact that that happened is important context, I think, for the story. So a couple of years ago,

Carrie McNulty (05:36)

Yeah, I was gonna say in moose.

Right.

Mm -hmm.

Lori (06:04)

I said to him, I'm moving to Maine. And when I said it, when it came out of my mouth, I didn't even know if that was true. But I thought, I said this and I'm not, can't take it back. So I have to make this happen. And when I said, I'm moving to Maine, I meant me, not him. And then I made it happen.

Carrie McNulty (06:08)

Hahahaha

Mmm.

Lori (06:33)

like serendipitously found this amazing apartment on this old fish farm on a pond in Maine and took my dog, who I also got during this bump because I make big decisions in emotional states.

Carrie McNulty (06:50)

Mm. If I can go really good or really not so good. I'm glad these are both really good.

Lori (06:56)

It worked out okay, but it has not always been the best quality to have. So I took my dog and myself and my husband drove me with the U -Haul and unloaded me in Maine. And I spent a year there with some interesting ups and downs and I'll share a couple of those with you. But critical to the story is that

Carrie McNulty (07:21)

Yeah.

Lori (07:25)

when he dropped me off, we decided that we were gonna keep a Google Doc journal together. And so he and I, it was like a shared diary every day.

Carrie McNulty (07:33)

Hmm.

Yeah, you know, that's awesome. And actually something that people in couples therapy do as a way of communicating when communicating gets tough. So it's really cool that you guys came up with that idea on your own. Mm -hmm.

Lori (07:52)

Look at that! Carrie, did you need the degree? That's what I wanted.

Carrie McNulty (07:56)

I mean, in terms of life circumstances, probably not, but in order to legally treat people, yeah.

Lori (08:00)

You

Yeah, anyway, the long and the short of it is that I did it and about, you know, we would talk on the phone and we would do this journaling thing and he would in the first six months or so, you know, he would say, I miss you. And I would say back, I miss you, but I was not, I didn't mean it. It wasn't until January that I went, I miss him.

Carrie McNulty (08:09)

Yeah.

Hmm.

Mm.

Lori (08:35)

So from July to January, I was like, I don't need another person. I'm so happy. Look how great I am by myself. I'm so competent. I'm so strong. But then as I saw the changes in him, in the way he was thinking, in the revelations that he was having, I thought, you know, he's always been a good man with a good heart. Now he's a great man.

Carrie McNulty (08:40)

You

Wow.

Lori (09:04)

with a great heart. So it was a growing experience for both of us. And then as luck would have it, the stars aligned and I came back to stay, I went back to State College where we're from and like a month later, he had a job up in Maine. yeah, house hunted, found a house and now

Carrie McNulty (09:30)

Yeah.

Lori (09:33)

A year after I went there the first time, I moved back to Maine.

Carrie McNulty (09:37)

So when you went there, Lori, were you, like, did you take a break from work? Did you decide, like, how did you decide, this is the place now, I'm going there? Like, I know you had the history of loving it, but how did it work with your other things in life?

Lori (09:52)

Right. I basically begged my boss to let me teach remotely. know, for whatever you want to say about the tragedy of COVID, it opened up so many doors for people to lend flexibility to their lives. And so many people in our department had been teaching online from California and Florida and

Carrie McNulty (10:04)

Mmm.

Totally.

Mm -mm.

Lori (10:20)

So I went to my boss and basically having seniority in my department for the level that I'm at, I made the case and he said, yes. And it took a little while, I was stressed out because I had said I'm moving to Maine and darn it, it's out there.

Carrie McNulty (10:39)

You can't not do it. Once you say it, it's the law. Yep. Yep. It's the way the universe works. Once it's out of your mouth, it's like, OK, you've manifested it both internally and externally. We're doing it.

Lori (10:53)

Yeah, yeah. So that's how I made that happen. And it ends up, I can retire in like three years. So to teach online for my last three years is kind of a great thing.

Carrie McNulty (10:58)

Mm

That's awesome. And I agree that COVID has been and continues to be a real issue, but that is one thing that has been positive, is being able to be online. That's how we're doing this. so many things have evolved to be able to make that possible. And that frees up time for everybody. We could all move to Maine.

Lori (11:20)

Right.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you and John wanted to move to Maine, Don and I would work very hard to facilitate that.

Carrie McNulty (11:32)

You

Someday maybe, yeah, yeah. So you guys are there now and tell me more about what the experience for you was like in telling people that you wanted to go. Did you feel really supported in that? Did you feel not supported in that?

Lori (11:43)

Well, the door is open, Carrie.

I felt really supported in it. And rightfully so, people were shocked, you know, when I said I was doing this. And I think you even said, didn't know that Don and I were going through a thing. Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (12:10)

You

Not at all. I just knew that was where you were going. I just from a distance looking at what you were posting online, I was like, this is where she's meant to be and she's going. So he better be on board with it. I I said that to John and not knowing that you two were even having any issues. was just like, this is it. Like this is her place. She's glowing. She's this is it for her. So I'm better get a job and you know, cause she's.

Lori (12:40)

Yeah. So there were two constituencies. There were the people, my very close circle of people who knew that stuff was going on. And then there were people who were in my next level and further out rings of people who, like you, were like, you're just trying out a thing.

Carrie McNulty (12:50)

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Yeah

Lori (13:06)

So the people who knew really what was going on, their response was, yeah, you go girl, you're brave, you can do well. And I talked to you about this idea of brave before, and I just wanna sidebar and say, I don't look at it as brave, I look at it as, because single people live on their own and do this stuff all the time. My daughters,

Carrie McNulty (13:10)

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm

Hahaha!

Lori (13:36)

are both like, my older daughter moved to Portland, lived in Port, you know, like just through a dart and went and they're both single. Now they're both living on their own in Philly. Like it's not brave to live by yourself. It's just what people do. But I think that maybe, you know, being a 50, mid 50s woman, not 1950s, a mid

Carrie McNulty (13:42)

Mm -hmm.

Mm

you

Lori (14:04)

I'm 56 years old. So being in my mid 50s and having raised children, I think there's a perception about what your life should be like and picking up everything and taking off and leaving your life behind gets characterized as brave, but I think there are probably better words for it like, huh?

Carrie McNulty (14:14)

Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa. think that however you were doing it, whether people knew or didn't know that there was the catalyst of the issues with you and your husband that got you there, you were very established in the community in State College. so people looking at that and saying, uprooting everything. You had just redone your beautiful little house, your kitchen, and all of these things. I'm sure that's where some of the shock for people came from. And also, I don't want to speak for.

all women, I love my husband, we have a fantastic relationship. I probably would never get married again, because I doubt I'd ever get that lucky. But there's a part of, think, the feeling for women when somebody does something like that, that's very powerful, even if it didn't feel powerful to you to watch that and be like, she's living life on her own terms and...

Probably more so for women to do that than men, that does seem pretty brave. Because you're just stepping away from everything that's been established for so long and saying, I want this new adventure and I don't really care how it works out, I'm just gonna go do it.

Lori (15:19)

Mmm.

Thank you.

Well, I like that characterization. And I have to say, I felt empowered when Don dropped me off and the U -Haul left the fish farm. I had a moment of looking around and thinking, I'm actually really doing this. I'm doing what I said I was doing.

Carrie McNulty (15:35)

Mm

Mm -hmm.

You

you

Lori (16:00)

And I'm not gonna lie, I felt a little terrified. know, I thought probably for a couple of days, I thought, did I make a mistake? And then a couple of weeks later, I took my dog, maybe to the dog park, and she's young and I've never taken her to a dog park before. she's very, at this point, very excited about life. And I would not have let her go into the dog

Carrie McNulty (16:02)

Mm

Mm.

Mm -hmm. Mmm.

Lori (16:30)

except there was just one other dog and he was a three -legged dog. And he was very sweet and they got along great. Like they sniffed at the fence, were something, all right, I'm gonna go let her run around with this dog. So they're running around and having a great time and maybe goes and poops. So I, the good dog owner, am going over to pick up the dog poop.

Carrie McNulty (16:31)

Mm.

What could he possibly do? He only has three legs.

Mm

Mm

You

Mm -hmm.

Lori (16:56)

maybe has since left the dog poop and is racing around with this other dog again. And I'm walking back with the dog poop and maybe runs full speed into the back of me, throws me into the air. And I land on like this earthen, if you know anything about Maine, it is rocky as hell. And I land on this stone. My arm is like bleeding and.

immediately bruising and my there's something wrong with my hip and I'm like, so I'm not a I shouldn't say this. I don't cry from pain. I cry for a lot of other reasons, but I could feel it coming. So I excused myself from this other woman who was very concerned about me and I went home and I'm not kidding for for six weeks. I couldn't I was a mess.

Carrie McNulty (17:26)

no.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mmm.

Lori (17:49)

And I thought, what did I do? And then, so that was like two weeks in and I'm like, can I function? And I didn't want to go get medical attention. Because, know, I don't have a doctor there yet. I don't want to go to an ER. And I should have, but anyway. So then a month after I get there, it's August 1st, it's 445. And this is a...

Carrie McNulty (17:49)

my gosh.

You

You just got there.

Hmm.

Lori (18:15)

Like nothing terrible happens in Maine ever. And there are other people on the property. The owners of the property are living in a little place on the property. And then there's like the caretakers of the property. They're in this cabin that's like a dream. So nothing's locked. Nobody locks anything. So I'm like, whee. So it's 3 .45 in the morning. And maybe who does not bark. She's not a barker. I'm sleeping.

And she, I hear just a ruff. And I'm like, what, that's weird. So I wake up and it's pitch black in my room. The door, the door to get into my apartment is right at the bedroom. So I sit up and it's pitch black, but I think, is that a shadowy figure at the door? is? And I'm, you you think you're seeing things and I'm like,

Carrie McNulty (19:07)

my God.

Lori (19:13)

shit, that is, there's a person standing inside my door. And so now I know what my terrified, screamy voice sounds like. And I'm just like, get out, get out, get out. So I'm screaming at this guy, this guy who's like, I thought this was my friend's place. And I just keep screaming. So he walks out and he says something, he's going down the stairs. Like it's hard to get to my apartment. Like there's hallways and stairways.

Carrie McNulty (19:41)

my God.

Lori (19:43)

So he's walking and I hear him say something and I open the door back up and I go, what?

Carrie McNulty (19:47)

I

Lori (19:51)

And he goes, I'm sorry. so then, so it's been a month. I've injured myself badly. A person has come into my apartment and I'm like, what did I do?

Carrie McNulty (20:04)

Yeah, this is this the universe thing I made a mistake? Yeah.

Lori (20:07)

Right, exactly. And then I got through it and I went, I can do any, like I healed myself. I worked on my leg. I like worked hard to get my leg back. A couple of weeks after that happened, I could go back to sleep without worrying about looking at the door and being terrified.

Carrie McNulty (20:20)

Aww.

Yeah, well, that's amazing in and of itself because I don't think I'd ever sleep again.

Lori (20:34)

Well, I locked, you know, and the people who own the property were like, we're locking everything now. but all this to say, I had these big bumps in the first month that made me wonder whether I was strong enough to do this. and it taught me that I, I am strong enough to do this. I, and I'm fine. And I can tell that story about that creepy guy in my apartment and laugh about it.

Carrie McNulty (20:36)

Yeah.

Mm.

you

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Lori (21:04)

you know, thank God nothing happened, obviously, but, you know, bad stuff happens and you work through it. So bad stuff in your relationship can happen. Bad stuff in just your daily life can happen and it just makes you smarter and think more deeply. so I, I wouldn't change anything.

Carrie McNulty (21:13)

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, yeah, and you guys are where you've always wanted to be. Well, at least, mean, think Don probably likes it there too, to have made this decision. But I know this is where you definitely wanted to be. So.

Lori (21:36)

Yeah, you know, I was thinking about how over the 30 years of our marriage, know, we have not, neither of us come from money and we both had nothing when we got started. In fact, one of my favorite stories is when we were first married, Don forgot to bring a lunch from home.

Carrie McNulty (21:51)

Mm

Lori (22:03)

to the radio station where he was working and he didn't have money to go buy lunch. So there were bacon bits and bread in the radio station kitchen. So he made himself a bacon bit sandwich for lunch. So, you know, we've gone, we've always gone where jobs took us. We've always let financial decisions make the decisions of our life. I taught

Carrie McNulty (22:24)

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Lori (22:31)

at Penn State all these years because I knew that someday if my kids wanted to go to Penn State, could get, they could go and graduate without any debt, you know.

Carrie McNulty (22:41)

Right, yeah, 3 fourths off your tuition is a great deal. That's why I went there. That's why John went there. That's just what you do when you're from that area and you have a parent that works at the university. Yeah.

Lori (22:45)

Yeah. Yeah. Right. So this is like the first decision that we have made that has been intentional about the things that we have dreamed of. And no, Don has not always wanted to move to Maine, but over the course of our daughter living in Maine for seven years, and then he said, seeing me go live

Carrie McNulty (23:00)

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Mm

Lori (23:15)

through last winter and coming up to see me multiple times. And you know, when you go to a place for the first time and then you go back and you get familiar with it later, you realize how different your first perspective of it was like, so that's happened for him. And he has come to love and appreciate Maine in ways that he didn't understand at first.

Carrie McNulty (23:29)

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Well, and I think it's good that it did grow on him because you were going and you did it. And to the point of you saying it's not brave, you talking about the fact that this wasn't based in finances, to some people that might seem very brave to take a risk. I could stay and do this thing that has been secure and maybe it's not the most exciting for me anymore and it's just routine because this is what we do or how we make our decisions. And then all of sudden to be like, no, actually what my heart wants is this and this is what I have to do now.

Lori (23:53)

Mm

Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (24:09)

and your brain's like, don't know. That can feel maybe to the outside or brave. It might not feel brave to you, but I could see how people looking at you would be like, wow, that was a chance. And I don't know that I would feel safe enough financially or whatever to do that.

Lori (24:12)

Yeah.

Well, it definitely, this is not a financial move. You know, the house we left had a 2 .3 interest rate and was probably gonna be paid off in, I don't know, five or six years. And now...

Carrie McNulty (24:30)

You

Now it's not. Yeah.

Lori (24:46)

It's not that and again, somebody with a financial lens would go, that is the dumbest thing. And you know what? So I listened to the Courtney, your interview with Courtney and I think what she says applies. who cares? I can't take it with me. So what?

Carrie McNulty (24:59)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Lori (25:14)

It doesn't matter. So we're, yeah. So to be happy on a daily basis, to walk outside my door and walk through the woods and watch my dog leap like a gazelle through our property is so life -affirming and joy -giving. yeah, I can't replace that with anything. Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (25:21)

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Right. Well, I mean, and you do love nature so much and you get to be right there, like you said, open the door and right there in it. Not that state college is so, you know, it's such an urban area, but still it's not like this. It's not as wild.

Lori (25:56)

It's wild and it's literally right outside my door. I don't have to get in a car to go to the woods and hike. I can walk out my door and hike around my property. I mean, it's not a big property, there's trails on my property. you know, it's amazing.

Carrie McNulty (26:05)

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. And just.

Mm

yeah. Well, yeah, you put up a photo when you were getting ready to leave. And, the first time after you were in a kayak and you were like, well, this is the last time I'm going to be on this lake. I said to John, that's not the last time she's going to be on that lake. Like it's not over, you know, I knew you were coming back to state college and I'm sure it was really sad because you know, you and I talked about this and you're like, I didn't know.

Lori (26:37)

Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (26:44)

for certain that that wasn't the last time. And didn't you say where you are is really, it's just on the other side of that lake? No.

Lori (26:49)

I'm on the other side of that very lake. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I could be at my old place in two minutes. I can paddle across the lake and get to my... Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (26:59)

That's amazing. That's amazing.

Just walk right in. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, I mean, I think your story is an awesome one. And for, you know, lots of things that you've done in your life, I think I just find you extremely interesting. Not trying to make you uncomfortable, but you know, and, you know, John and I would look at you as you and Don as a power couple, you know, you're people who've been together for a long time and it sounds like.

Lori (27:17)

Well, thank you. That's really nice.

Carrie McNulty (27:29)

You know, as you and I both know, marriage isn't always easy. You know, there's ups and downs. John and I will be married 17 years next week. But you found a way back to each other and said that you're in a better place now than you were. So.

Lori (27:35)

Mm -hmm.

Yep. And you know, I had several conversations with women who are just super cool. And they gave me great perspectives. This one woman and I had dinner and we were both sharing our kind of our marriage questions and stories. And she talked about her son who does forestry stuff and he does tree grafting.

Carrie McNulty (27:48)

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Mm.

Lori (28:11)

And he, and she said, you know, when you graft a tree, you have to cut into the tree and it leaves a scar. And the scar becomes the strongest place on that tree. And I thought a lot about that as this metaphor for relationships and injury in relationships. And, you know, if you can build from, you find the frailty in your relationship.

Carrie McNulty (28:17)

Hmm

Lori (28:40)

and you work on that so that you get this scar. You know it happened, it's there, but that scar, that frailty has been patched up and worked in a way that we are so much better. We talk about things. We've always had an open, good relationship, good conversations, but now there's this vulnerability that I didn't know we had access to in one another.

Carrie McNulty (28:45)

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Mmm.

Lori (29:11)

that makes it feel safe and honest in ways that I didn't know were possible, if that makes sense.

Carrie McNulty (29:19)

Wow. Yeah. Yeah, all the resentments have been aired out, dealt with, discussed, processed. And that area of weakness has been reinforced. It's like when you cut your arm or when you have an infection, everything, the white blood cells increase to that area. It gets more attention. And then it's more reinforced. And it's not a vulnerability moving forward. So it makes a lot of sense. I love that metaphor, by the way, of the tree. That's so fitting. I might steal that.

Lori (29:36)

Right. Yes.

Right.

I stole it. All the good things are stolen. I was thinking about this too. I would talk on the phone or Zoom with my good friends and I was aching for them to just tell me what to do. I'm up in Maine and...

Carrie McNulty (29:49)

Hahaha

That's true. Nobody's coming up with anything original. Let's be real.

Mm -hmm.

Lori (30:15)

you know, going back and forth. I'm fine on my own. you know, shouldn't I just stay on my own? And, but he's being so great and things are seeming to work out. And I wanted them to say either, well, then you should definitely go back or no, you're fine. Stick and be by, but nobody would tell me what to do.

Carrie McNulty (30:17)

you

Mm

Do this.

Lori (30:38)

And I was so, I just wanted somebody to tell me because I was so afraid of making the wrong decision. I was afraid of saying, okay, I'm gonna go back to the way, to me and Dawn together as a couple and then realize it was a mistake and then create re -injury by leaving again or missing out on going back to a person with whom I have had

Carrie McNulty (30:45)

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Yeah.

Lori (31:07)

I've raised two amazing daughters with, and we have this foundation. And that played a lot. What does it mean for me? And what are the ramifications of each of these decisions? If I stay here in Maine by myself, if I go back, what sort of upheaval does this create? And so I'm not gonna lie, thinking about the life I envisioned for my family,

Carrie McNulty (31:22)

Hmm.

Mm

Lori (31:35)

was also an incentive to give this the best possible shot.

Carrie McNulty (31:40)

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you do have, even though, like you said, your girls are grown and they're living someplace else, it still makes a difference, right? It changes everything moving forward. Yeah. So, I mean, it's very exciting that it did work out and that you'd said Don found a job there that he really is excited about. So that's, think, very serendipitous too, you know, like.

Lori (31:49)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And I told you, I'm not a believer in fate at all. And this bothers Don because he's very much, know, we were meant to be. But I am of the mind that we can be happy in lots of different ways. We just...

Carrie McNulty (32:06)

Mm -hmm.

Lori (32:24)

It's about the choices that we make and whether we want to invest in that choice to get to the level of happiness or the level of satisfaction or whatever it is. So I don't see necessarily that it was fate that we're here. I see intentionality Don He made a phone call off the cuff kind of to a person just to see if they knew of any jobs and they were like,

Carrie McNulty (32:26)

Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm

Lori (32:51)

Yeah, in fact, we have one and you're great. So you're hired.

Carrie McNulty (32:56)

See, see, so I feel like doesn't that make you feel like maybe there's a little bit of like universal guiding going on there that it's like, like just the right place, right time. You know, what if he would have called the following week and they would have been like, we just had a position and we filled it. Like, I don't know. Like, can it be both? I don't know.

Lori (33:08)

It's.

I think this is a good, let's let you listeners weigh in on this. Is it great?

Carrie McNulty (33:22)

Are you, or is it intention? Is it the purposeful work? I don't know. Okay, so what about the concept of the universe helps you out when you take the first step? Is that a possible thing maybe?

Lori (33:37)

Yeah, yes, I think, yeah, you've got to make a move. can't sit on your hands. I think a great lesson here is if you want something, you can't sit in your room and think about it. You know, my daughter, Emily, is very much about manifestation. Like, she's put in, and again, but I don't know that it's, okay, I'm gonna say this and then the universe is gonna bring it to me. It's like I did.

Carrie McNulty (33:42)

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Lori (34:06)

I'm moving to Maine. shit, I better make this happen because I said I'm gonna do it and I'm a person of my word and I'm gonna look like an idiot. I don't wanna be embarrassed.

Carrie McNulty (34:14)

Mm -hmm. I don't want to be embarrassed that I said that I was going to do this. Yeah. It's so true. Once you say it out loud to other people, you're kind of like, well, now I, you know, looking in the mirror and saying it to yourself is one thing. Then it's still out there. But then once other people know what your plan is, when you declare it, it's very hard to be like, well, I just thought that wasn't cool. I never decided to do it. don't just.

Lori (34:33)

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, so I guess if you want to do something, tell somebody because that is a way. Yes. Yes. Let embarrassment be your muse.

Carrie McNulty (34:48)

Mm -hmm. The shame will force you to do it. Yeah.

And like you said, okay, so this was a bigger move and there could have been a lot more on the line than if you decided to take a poetry class, you know, and it didn't work out. This is a bigger thing in life. But I do, yeah, I don't know. Sometimes I just know things. I don't know why, I just do. And like I said, I could tell this was it for you. Like it just, you know.

Lori (35:09)

Mm

Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (35:24)

I mean, I love you and I think you're great. And I wish we talked more, know, that we, I, John and I had left state college before we knew you guys were in state college, right? It just didn't work out timing wise. And so it's not like we talk all the time and I knew your secret plans. I was just like, energy wise, this is, this is her place. This is what's supposed to be happening. So I totally get that you're like, no, I thought about this. I said it out loud. I put the plans in motion, but I feel like maybe there were a couple of doors opened too.

to make it more possible.

Lori (35:54)

Well, I will accept that compromise in lots. Yeah, it has been both, it has felt like a dream. And I don't know about you, but Don and I have lived a lot of places. We have purchased more homes than I'm, it gets embarrassing.

Carrie McNulty (36:07)

Mm

you

Hmm.

Aww.

Lori (36:19)

Because we've just, like, we've lived in, my God, Ohio and Buchanan, West Virginia. like, we just lived, blah. And I have never bought a house where I didn't think, I didn't have a little buyer's remorse until now. Like right now, even though we have to replace skylights, and that's going to be ridiculous. Even though there are expenses, I'm like, this is...

Carrie McNulty (36:24)

Mm. Yeah.

Mmm. Really?

Lori (36:45)

This feels so good and so right in this house. You know, that's never happened to me before. So that says something.

Carrie McNulty (36:49)

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

I think so too. It's like again, where you're maybe astrologically or on a soul level, this is where you're supposed to be. You know, it just feels good. It just feels right. And I totally get why you might've bought a house in Ohio and said, don't think this is it.

Lori (37:01)

Mm -hmm.

No offense, I'm from Ohio, so no offense to my Ohio brethren. But yeah, I can't. I cannot.

Carrie McNulty (37:15)

None, not at all, not at all, no, no. Yeah, yeah. No, we haven't lived in a ton of places. I know in state college whenever I was just getting settled, I lived in a million different places, know, between there and Bellefonte and, you know, different apartments and things like that. But like, you know, we did move to Ireland and back, but that was our biggest move apart from, you know, that was fun.

Lori (37:35)

Right?

Carrie McNulty (37:43)

But well, it was anxiety provoking and also fun. Yeah, that's I found out. Like a year, he did his master's program at Queens University. So we went over there and my thing was, I was working for the county doing case management and I had been there like six years and I was like, yeah, please, I'll go wherever. I don't care. Like, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm very grateful for that job. It taught me a lot about what I do now. It was great at the time, but that's a long time to be doing that level of.

Lori (37:43)

Yes.

How long were you in Ireland?

Carrie McNulty (38:12)

you know, case manager or whatever. So I was like, yeah, if I can take my dogs, I'll go wherever you want me to go. Just say the word. And, you know, we figured out that Belfast was a place where we could take them and they wouldn't need to be quarantined if I did, you know, 100 Rabies shots and all these tighter tests and got everything ready and took them. And that's what we did. He went, he went first and found us our place and he started his program. And then I came and joined him. But yeah, that was the biggest adventure we had with moving. And while I really liked it there, didn't.

Lori (38:30)

Wow.

Carrie McNulty (38:41)

necessarily feel like home, you know, nor does Pittsburgh, by the way.

Lori (38:43)

Right. Right.

Well, that's interesting. I'd like to explore that with you and offer Maine as an alternative to consider.

Carrie McNulty (38:52)

Yeah. And Offer Maine. Yeah. It's so funny because I am really not like a super outdoorsy person, I in my mind, that peace and I don't know. Is there whale watching up there? Because that's a secret dream of mine to be able to whale watch.

Lori (39:10)

Yes, there's whale watching. In fact, there are humpbacks just flipping all over the place up there.

Carrie McNulty (39:15)

There's one in our lake that's right outside of our house.

Lori (39:23)

And I should say, I'm referring to Maine is up there because I'm in Tampa, Florida right now. But yes, I'm returning to Maine tomorrow.

Carrie McNulty (39:28)

Yes, yes, wow. yeah. Yeah, so yes, I mean, I don't I don't forever see this being our place. I don't know exactly where our place will be. It's definitely served a good purpose, but this is not, you know, I'm not sure that Pennsylvania is it in general. And he he's always wanted to go south. I I love Savannah and we've gone there. That's our main vacation spot that we would go. But it's not.

Lori (39:47)

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Carrie McNulty (39:56)

with global warming the place that's gonna be the thing.

Lori (40:01)

Right, right. And it's sad to say, but that global warming plays a big part in a lot of my thinking. You know, if Maine were a southern state, I would have thought way harder about whether that was my dream place. But no, it's as far north almost as you can go. Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (40:11)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

As you can go.

Yeah.

So yeah, I don't know. It's exciting for you. I'm thrilled that you're happy and that it feels like home and that there's no regrets about it and that you're like, yeah, I took this chance and this is what we wanted. And ultimately now what Dawn wants too. you know, with that time apart, I think that he probably, not that he didn't already know this. And I think it's so cute that he's like the romantic one that's like, we were meant to be together. You know, we're fate. I love that that, that it's him. That's like, it's all, it was always going to be us. And you're like, well, actually I think that people can be happy with multiple people. It's just whether or not they find that person or, you know,

or whatever, right? But that, you know, he's come to love it because he loves you so much too. And that being with you is probably what he really wants more than anything. And this is where you need to be. So.

Lori (41:14)

Yeah, I think that's a big piece of it. And also to his credit, living on his own for a year, think Taught no, he's always been, I wanna say, he's always been really active, an active partner in like taking care of the house. Saturdays was our cleaning day, we both cleaned the house. He does the thing. So it's not about that, but you know.

Carrie McNulty (41:17)

Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Lori (41:42)

We talk about women having the mental load of grocery shopping and handling the bills and ba ba. There was one day when I was home over the holidays last year and he was handling his own healthcare stuff. I would handle all, both of our healthcare things. And he got a little teary eyed. And I said, my gosh, what's wrong? He said, I never realized how much work this all actually is to handle.

Carrie McNulty (41:44)

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Wow.

Lori (42:12)

So it gave him an opportunity to appreciate me on a different level that he would not have had access to. And he thanked me for doing it. He said, wanna thank you for moving to Maine last year as hard as it was, because if you had stayed, I know that we would have just fallen into the same patterns and I wouldn't have seen you the way that I needed to see you. Yeah.

Carrie McNulty (42:19)

Yeah.

Wow. Wow.

Lori (42:40)

So that was huge for me.

Carrie McNulty (42:42)

Totally, you were absolutely seen and he did that work.

Lori (42:47)

Yeah, he did so much work. I was shocked at how much work he did for himself, for us, on himself.

Carrie McNulty (42:57)

Mm

man.

Lori (43:01)

Yeah, it's great.

Carrie McNulty (43:03)

Were you like, I should have moved to Maine?

Lori (43:09)

I mean, I didn't know I needed to until the earth moved.

Carrie McNulty (43:11)

It came out of your mouth. Yeah, till it came out of your mouth and you're like, I guess this is what I have to do. And then, yeah, it's all, it's all aligning, which is so cool.

Lori (43:22)

Yeah, it all did. it's just, we're in such a good place, literally, geographically and relationally, we're in a good place.

Carrie McNulty (43:31)

Mm -hmm. Now if you could just look outside and see one moose, we would be sold, like totally set. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. We saw a moose. They are real. They are here. Yeah. That's amazing.

Lori (43:37)

If that happens, you're going to be the first one to get the picture. I'm going to call you immediately.

No. No.

Carrie McNulty (43:52)

Well, is there any like parting words you want to leave us with or anything that you're like?

Lori (44:00)

Just reinforce what I think we've come to, and I didn't really realize it until we were talking about this. And I guess say it out loud. Even if you're afraid, if it's something that's been balled up in your gut and kind of burning in your soul, say it out loud to somebody who can be your cheerleader.

Carrie McNulty (44:04)

Mm

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Hehehe

Mm -hmm.

Lori (44:30)

who can hold you accountable, because that's gonna be the thing that pushes you to expand your life.

Carrie McNulty (44:40)

Yeah, yeah, I totally I love that. Say it out loud. That's going to be the title of this episode.

Lori (44:44)

Say it out loud.

good. I'm glad we found a title.

Carrie McNulty (44:55)

what all this was for yeah I just yeah yeah some people know that in advance now we go searching for it yeah

Lori (44:56)

Let's get to the title.

We do. just listen, just I'll just sidebar real quick. I was listening to Amicus. It's a, it's a legal podcast with Dahlia Lithwick. And she interviewed this judge who wrote a book called Vision. He's going blind. And so he talked about the courts and he talked and he said, and I think this happens in your podcast. Cause as I listened to Courtney and as I've just experienced this.

Carrie McNulty (45:07)

Hmm

Mmm.

Mm.

Lori (45:31)

It's not until you go through the process that you come to some truths It's not until you really think about it. Try to find words for it Communicate with another person about it that things bubble up to the top and you go. that's what that's about So your podcast is is a good bubbling mechanism It's a percolator

Carrie McNulty (45:35)

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Ooh, it's a percolator. Well, that's very cool. Hey, good luck at the Improv Festival this weekend.

Lori (46:01)

Thank you, performing tonight with my amazing partner, Jackie Giannico.

Carrie McNulty (46:06)

Yeah, she is amazing. She's fun. I'm glad. That's exciting.

Lori (46:09)

Yeah, really excited. So thank you.

Carrie McNulty (46:11)

Yeah, and thank you for coming on here and sharing your story. I knew it would be good.

Lori (46:16)

Well, thanks for wanting to hear it. Yeah, it's been a pleasure to talk to you. And I was a little nervous. thought, much am going to say? And this is really interesting. no, but you make it so easy, which is why you're so good at what you do.

Carrie McNulty (46:22)

you

Yeah. Aw, thank you. I do love stories. Like I said, that's just really what it's about for me. And that's really what I think life is. Like we do things and we come up with these stories and then we share them with people and that's how we connect more. So I'm glad that you shared with me and I hope that, you know, we talk more coming, like moving forward and especially, you know, when we go to live in Maine with you. So that's going to be awesome. Yeah. Get ready for that.

Lori (46:56)

I'm gonna house cut for you and send you listings on the regular.

Carrie McNulty (47:00)

Just send them to John. I'm already sold. Well, I will go ahead and close this out by saying thank you everybody for listening and Lori, thank you so much for joining and I will see you all next week with a mini episode. It's probably not gonna be as exciting as this, but you know, it'll be something. So take care everyone and be well.

Lori (47:02)

Okay.

Okay, okay.