How Different Could It Be?

In episode 8 of Carrie's Always Talking, Carrie's on her own this week. She introduces the podcast and encourages listeners to reach out if they would like to share their stories in a future episode. 

She reflects on last week's episode and the theme of moving to a new place. Carrie shares a little bit about her journey of moving to Belfast, Northern Ireland in 2008-2009 while her husband completed his Master's degree at Queens University. She discusses how moving both amplified her anxiety and gave her the benefit of growing more as a person as well. Have a cup of tea or coffee and listen along as Carrie talks about just how different it can be to move to another country. 

If you have a story you'd like to tell, send me an email at carrie.always.talking@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.

Facebook group- www.facebook.com/groups/carriesalwaystalking/

Transcript

Hello everyone. Welcome back to Carrie's Always Talking. I'm your host Carrie McNulty and I'm going to be doing the talking today. I don't have a guest with me for the mini episode. And that's what this is. Episode eight is a mini episode. So this shouldn't be too long. This is a podcast all about stories and connection. I think that the main way that we build empathy and humanity for one another is hearing one another's stories and sharing experiences.

And I also think that's something that we could use a little more of in the world today. As always, if you're listening and enjoying this or sharing, thank you so much. I appreciate you. If you get a chance to rate or review the podcast wherever you're listening, that would be awesome and very much appreciated. Last week, I had my friend Lori on. And if you didn't get a chance to take a listen to that episode, please do. She talked a lot about her move from Pittsburgh, not Pittsburgh.

That's where I am from State College to Maine. And it was a really fun episode to make and also a great story. She's a really good storyteller. So take a listen to that. And also, if you are listening and you're like, I have an interesting story or a funny story or a sad story or any kind of story and you want to share it, reach out to me. I have my email address for the show in the show notes. And I would really love to hear from you. If you have

questions or comments that you also want to share. That's a great way to get in touch. There's also an option to text the show that's in the show notes and also there's a Facebook group. So take a look for those things and yeah, reach out. I would love to hear from you. In my episode last week with Lori, the talk about her move got me thinking more about

the move that my husband and I did in 2008 to 2009 to Belfast, Northern Ireland. And I thought that would be something to share today in the mini episode. Just the differences and how unprepared I was for some of those differences is a little story in and of itself. So I did title the episode, Different Can It Be? Because I literally remember thinking that to myself and probably saying it out loud.

when John said, hey, I would like to go to grad school in another country. And I was like, great, let's do it. I had been doing the same job for about six and a half years. Now, mind you, I had never lived anywhere other than Blair County or Center County in Pennsylvania. So another country sounded exciting, but also just totally different. And I was looking for different at that time. And my only stipulation for him was

gotta be able to bring my dogs. And so we found out that in Northern Ireland, you can do that without quarantining, as long as you do a bunch of other things. And there were many steps that I had to follow just right in order to get them into the country and not have to do that. But it all ended up working out. And so I was like, yeah, let's do it. Because how different can it be? Everybody speaks English? Really? How different can it be? Spoiler alert. Very different.

you know, but not in a bad way. It's just when your, when your worldview is limited like mine was, it was very different. And here's what I will say. I think if you ever get the opportunity to live in another country for any amount of time, you should take it because that is where I did a substantial amount of growing and a substantial amount of learning about myself. And I think that was all for the better. Now at the

maybe a couple months into it if you'd asked me I maybe would have thought I think I made a mistake because one thing that I came to find out about myself is that I have significant anxiety and you might think I should have known that being that I worked in mental health for as many years as I did but it was not obvious to me just how much anxiety I had until the opportunity to make this big move happened.

So along with the jet lag and showing up in a new country where John is already established, he's in his program, he's got friends, he's got a place to be every day, he's loving it, which is amazing. This is exactly what we wanted for him. I show up there and I have my dogs, which were, believe me, a lifesaver, but I didn't know anybody else. And I had to wade through the emotions of moving far away from family, moving far away from friends, and trying to figure out what my space was going to be there.

You know, what world was I gonna build for myself? As John was already busy doing his thing. And he gave me a good amount of time to try to adjust to this. But it got to the point where I was getting afraid to even leave the house because I was feeling so uncertain. So the one day he tasked me with going into the village that we lived in, which is a place called Newton Brita, which was south of the city.

We picked this location because there was a place we could afford that was pretty nice that also had room if we wanted to have guests and we could have the dogs. So it seemed like the most appealing option and he could ride his bike to school. So we were in this little village, but I would say we lived about maybe three fourths of a mile from that little village center. And he was like, I want you to walk into town, something. Here's 20 pounds, just buy something. I don't care what it is.

I was like, okay, fine. and him nudging me to do this by far was the right thing because if left in my own devices, I probably would have never left or got a job or did anything. But this gave me a little bit of confidence and I survived it. So I headed out to the village. One thing I will say that's different when we're talking about what's different is, you know, the cars are on the opposite side of the road, which means crossing the road.

which is something we all learn to do when we're like four or five or whatever. If you're an 80s kid, you're crossing the road. Who knows at what age? On your own, potentially. But it's different there because you look left and look right here and you do that once. You're doing that multiple times there because if you make one wrong move and you're stepping out in front of traffic and that's not what you want. So I had to figure that out pretty quickly.

And so, yes, so I make it into the city center fine, which is good because I am directionally challenged. Again, this is something that has gotten better with age, but at that time in my life, very easy for me to get confused about where I was going, especially in a new country. So I get there. have shakily hand this woman 20 pounds for a candle. I bought a Yankee candle or a Yankee candle equivalent at a shop. And I don't even remember exactly how much it costs, maybe 10 pounds.

And I don't remember, but she gives me her change and I'm sure she's looking at me because I'm like, here's my money. And then I'm like, OK, I get to go home now. So I turn around to leave and I get all confused and turned around and go around to this dead end street. I can't get through the neighborhood. I have to come back. It takes me twice as long to get home as it took me to get there. And I'm very blustered by the time I get back to the house. But after that, I started to gain a little bit more confidence in going out. I think I went to the village to get my hair done at one point.

got more comfortable. And eventually that led me to the place where I could apply for jobs. I'm going to talk a little bit about that. one other thing that I noticed right off the bat that was different there was the public transportation system was super reliable. So much so that there were little signs at bus stops that were electronic that gave you to the like a minute of when the next bus that was going to be coming. When I moved to Pittsburgh, there was nothing like that of the sort.

You don't know if your bus is coming or not here. So the fact that you could rely on public transportation, and that's what we did the whole entire year that we lived there, and it was very accurate, was so helpful. Also, pretty much every little neighborhood or village area had their own cab system that they used and relied on. So like for us, we used PhonaCab. But anywhere you were, people had their usual place that they would call, and that was always super.

So without a car there, we got around pretty well, which again is very different than a lot of places in the United States, depending on where you live. If it's not in a big city, you're not getting around very easily without a car. So we get to the point where I'm ready to apply for jobs. And the first place that I apply is a Clark's shoe store in a mall close to our house. And I do get a job, so it seemed, but they never called me to actually start.

So that ended up not turning into anything. Then I saw an advertisement for a bank, the Halifax, each boss, and it would be for servicing savings accounts, which again, I had no business doing. I again had no real background in anything like that. And it was a call center job, not selling, but still having to talk to people on the phone all day long via this call center.

I did work at a call center in college and I have to say it wasn't the best fit, but that was sales. That was for MB &A America Bank and I didn't do that great there. Anyway, I was hoping that I would meet some people and start making some friends. And again, I did. I met some really cool people there. Also met some people that maybe weren't the biggest fan. And that's when I got my first taste of knowing that not everybody is the biggest fan of the United States, which I also think is important to learn.

And one of the reasons why you should live outside of this country is to get the perspective that other people have about it because I think it's necessary. Again, this really helped to expand my view. This is the first time in my life I ever felt different. And that was important to learn as well. And I thought it was, it really helped me to grow, to know that I'm not automatically going to be the person that just fits in, that sometimes that can be hard or be tricky.

And it was there. To look at me, you might have thought I belonged, that I was Irish. But as soon as I opened my mouth, it became very obvious that I wasn't. I think I got hired there because I was from the United States and there was this thought that I would be good at customer service. And that part of the job was fine. The thing that they asked me, though, in order to get this job, which I found interesting or different, is they asked me what

you know, my religion, it's on the application, are you Irish or are you Catholic or are you Protestant? Mercury retrograde, I'm having a hard time finding my words today, so sorry for that. And you did have an option not to pick one. And the function of that question goes back to the troubles and making sure that there's a quality in who you're hiring for jobs, which totally makes sense with the history of Northern Ireland.

It didn't make sense to me initially from the United States because you would never ask somebody that question, nor would there if they did, would there only be two options and you couldn't opt out, right? So I had to pick one, which really neither, I don't practice any kind of religion. And because I was baptized Methodist, I just went with Protestant. But they needed to do that because at one point, people who were Catholic were not being hired for jobs.

So they wanted to try to get rid of that discrimination and it was necessary to put that question on the application to make sure there was a quality in hiring. So that was one thing that you wouldn't necessarily find here. And I got to working the job there and many of the calls for the people's accounts I was servicing were coming from Scotland or mainland England. I had gotten really good at understanding Irish, Northern Irish accents and

I could tell you most of the time where somebody was from in England based off of their accent, if they were from Manchester, Essex, Wales, whatever. I really had a hard time with Scotland. There were some people that would call in and I felt awful, but I absolutely could not understand what they were saying at all. And you could tell they were so frustrated with me because I had nicely asking them to repeat. And sometimes I would even say, can you just hang up and maybe try to get somebody else? Because I really don't think I'm going to be able to understand what you're saying.

And I can't imagine how frustrating that was for them. But again, it was a new experience for me and I think one that allowed some growth. So people get angry and say things like, is it so bad that we're outsourcing jobs to America now? And I was like, no, it's not that bad yet. I actually live over here. Sorry. You'd have some people that will want to keep you on the phone and talk to you about what you were going to do in your life next and what led you to this job. And that kind of stuff was always fun for me.

But very quickly, while I met some really fun people and connections that I have still to this day that I'm very grateful for, and it gave me a sense of normalcy and started to give me my own life in this new country, that job was not for me. And I could not stay there very long. So I ended up looking for something different and I wanted to go back to mental health. And I think the reason I did was because it was familiar to me. And I found that I actually really missed it.

I gave myself enough, a little bit of time, long enough to know that I, that's what I knew, that's what I felt comfortable with, and also I missed it. So I ended up applying for another job outside of there at a place called MindWise, and I was the loan worker, as they say, in a house with five individuals who were...

just out of higher levels of care and we're trying to get established back in the community again. So they all live together in this home and I would do things like go to the grocery store with them, get them connected to different services, just do other fun things. Like the first episode I talked about, I went to a palm reader with one of the people that lived in the house. So that job was a much better fit for me and I really enjoyed working for them. But I also made some good friends there and met friends through John as well and two of the people that we met that we got really, really close with.

We started to go out and do fun things on the weekend and, you know, life started to fill out and become more normal there. With that, you got to learn a lot more of the slang or the turn of phrase that people use that would be different than something we would say in the United States. Because while it's English, it's not exactly the same. And so I thought it'd be fun to share some of those things that were different that you kind of pick up on. And some of the words I still use now or the phrases I still use now. So.

Some of those examples would be if somebody would say, she's good crack. That means she's funny and fun to be around. But also you might have somebody say, what's the crack? And that means what's going on? What's the story? What's been happening? If you were to walk past somebody and say, excuse me, they might say, you're all right. And then also if you were to walk up and you're saying hi to somebody, they might say, you're all right. So these things would be used.

interchangeably for different things. We was used a lot, so anything could be we. A little girl could be, that wee girl, or the mountain, that wee mountain. So we was used a lot to describe, and it didn't necessarily mean that something had to be small. It was just a word that was used a lot. Let's see, what else? Your man. Yeah, that got me tripped up a few times where they would say, your man over there, your wee man over there. And I'd be like, I don't know that guy.

Well, they didn't assume that I did. They're just pointing at somebody to explain something about them. You're a wee man. So those things, I still say, you're all right to people if they say, excuse me. And that's something that's just stuck.

But yeah, things were different in lots of ways. So even though the Troubles were many years before we lived there, and by the time we moved there, Northern Ireland had become much more of a place for tourism, there were still lingering things here and there that would remind you that that was part of their lives and culture for a long time. And there was still the barriers between certain roads and certain neighborhoods that at night these

big metal doors would close and there was no driving through those neighborhoods. So that was still present, not where we lived, but more in the north of the city. And every time you would go somewhere on a bus, it goes into the city center and then it goes to whatever part of the city. So that was the way was set up here. It's not so much like that in Pittsburgh. If you get on a bus, you could end up going anywhere in the city. Everything in Belfast goes into the city center and then out from there. So that's

basically how I would get to work. My first job at the Halifax, when I was getting trained, you would take a bus into the city center and then I was going east to a place called Dundonald for training. And then once I got my job at MindWise, I would take a bus to the city center and then go north into that part of the city. And if you are familiar with Belfast at all, where that place was, was close to the zoo and close to the Cape Hill Road. And my street was called Skaggenil.

That is where I had a few more episodes of noticing that there were still remnants of the troubles. There are always, I say always, but every now and then things kicked up where there were people that were interested in reigniting that issue. For the most part, everybody that lived there wanted nothing to do with that anymore, happy to have moved on, really loving life the way it was. But every now and then there were people who were trying to rev up that whole cycle and that issue again.

one of the ways you knew it was present is I think twice when I was on the bus ride back to the city center from leaving work, there were bomb scares where I had to get off the bus and walk the rest of the way or catch a bus further down closer to the city center. And, you know, everybody just did it very casually. Nobody was that worked up about it. There was no actual bomb either time, but it was just like nobody was affected by that. That was just sort of like, yeah, okay, whatever. There's a bomb scare. And I suppose if you...

have lived through that enough, then it isn't. I think one time there was a bomb scare in the mall when we were living there. And then also the thing that I guess was closest to home would be in the house that I worked at with the residents that were there. I had left to go home and overnight, every house in that area had what they call a garden, we would call a yard. And they all were surrounded by these higher walls.

which was pretty standard for that area. And they weren't like waist height. They were almost like chest height or higher. So it's not so easy to jump up over that wall and to get into somebody's garden. After I had left to go home, apparently there were some things kicking off and some people trying to cause problems. And they jumped into our garden and used our rubbish bins, what we call trash cans, our rubbish bins to make petrol bombs to throw at the police. And that was something that had happened that night. And then the next morning when I showed up at work.

There were all these stories that the people there were telling me about what had gone on. And again, that would not be totally uncommon. The police vehicles also looked very different. They look like armored cars, like that you would see if you were seeing vehicles that are taking money from the bank or from a business to a bank. And they were really super armored up. They almost look like little matchbox cars in the way that they were painted and very different to look at. And the police stations.

oftentimes had barbed wire around them and were not accessible to just walk up to and make a complaint or to get the police's attention. So that was very different, especially at first, you know, seeing something like that as opposed to what we're used to here. But again, knowing the history of the area, you know, they had the reasons for that. Some of the cool things that we got to see living there were a lot of the murals that would be on buildings and housing developments.

depicting scenes from the times of the troubles, which again, having all that history there to see it and to be reminded of it and to be able to recognize the piece that was there after the fact was very nice. But yeah, I mean, there's so many things that I could think of that were different, but eventually became normal and became more like home, right? Don't feel so out of place.

But like I said, it was a place and time in my life where I had the first experience, I'll say, of feeling different from the people around me. And I know that I come from a place of great privilege and being able to say that. I do think, like I said, that it was, it allowed me to grow as a person and to understand different perspectives that I wouldn't have understood. And in a weird way, I think it also got me prepared for what was to come next.

the following year in my life when I got sick and there was no hiding that I was different and having to see how people reacted to interacting with somebody who was sick, invisibly sick. So overall, I think it was a great time in our lives and we met some friends, like I said, that we've kept to this day and I'm grateful for having had the experience, but it certainly wasn't the same as being

someplace else in the United States. Because of that move, when it came time to move back and I was gonna go to my graduate program, I wasn't scared at all about moving to Pittsburgh by myself because John was gonna be following once his program was over. But I was like, if I can go move and live in Northern Ireland and figure out how to get around there, I'm pretty sure I can figure out Pittsburgh. We'll say that you wouldn't wanna be figuring Pittsburgh out just moving here without a GPS because nothing about the way this city is laid out makes any kind of sense, but.

it definitely gave me confidence to be able to move somewhere that was new to me on my own. And I probably wouldn't have felt safe or comfortable doing that prior to the move to another country. So definitely a growing experience. That's all for our little mini episode. And to any of my friends that are still over there, if you happen to be listening, or any of the people here who did live there when we did and moved back, because you were also students,

I love you guys. You're great and I'm grateful to have been able to meet you and interact with you. Next week, our episode is going to be an interview or a story conversation chat. like to call it. I don't feel like it's so much of an interview. I really like to make it feel like I'm just chatting with somebody as opposed to interviewing them. But I'm going have my friend Paul on and he's going to be talking about his mental health and his journey with that. So.

That's what's on deck for next week. I hope you all be able to join me for that. And as always, I hope that you all be well until then and that you have been well. And I will catch you next week for the next episode. Bye.